Immortality Enthusiast Gifts

"If only they knew we can still get texts up here."

"Dear, I've bounced back from cancer, two heart attacks and a stroke. You know what kills me?" "Obviously nothing."

Alaskan Cryogenic Society.

'He got a deal where you die for two years now and get twenty extra years later.'

"If something doesn't kill you... you'll live forever."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"All we have left is standing room only."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

The Reaper's Arms

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"From this you make a living?"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Business Sisyphus