Eternal Life Enthusiast Gifts

Old man: 'Good news! Scientists have doubled the lifespan of cockroaches.'

"You must be the new guy."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The Reaper's Arms

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"From this you make a living?"

Business Sisyphus

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Elderly People

Gates of heaven

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A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."