Eternal Life Enthusiast T-Shirts

Old man: 'Good news! Scientists have doubled the lifespan of cockroaches.'

"You must be the new guy."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The Reaper's Arms

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"From this you make a living?"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Business Sisyphus

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

Elderly People

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Gates of heaven

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"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Post-psychoanalysis

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'