Mortality Gifts

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

"Back in 15 min."

'He says you've used up all of your plan minutes.'

"Are you expecting a hearse, Eric?"

"Why bother?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"They're very time-sensitive."

Apocalliptical

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

'You'd look good in that.'

"Give a call when you get there."

Old man watering Death.

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Grim Reaper Checkout

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Tombstone in a cemetery with a epitaph that reads "Why me?"

"I'm not afraid of being alone. I just need someone around to discover my corpse because I can't afford a housekeeper."

"...and tell him it's fairly urgent."

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

"Why would He take someone so toned?"

"I've always thought it was eerie. He expired the same day as his Visa card."

Death selfie

"You're gonna love this place."

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

'The Grim Reaper's my brother. I'm death without dignity.'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

"Come in six, your numbers up!"

An old man sees a grave with a 'Your Name Here' inscription.