Mortality Humorist Gifts

"We weren't told you had a sick note."

Zombie standup

Middle-Age Superheroes

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"You run into a window, too?"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Game time.

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Apocalliptical

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

First attempt at the Big Bang

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

Special Place in Hell...

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Death Watch

'We are the last Dodos on the planet, so I've put all of our eggs safely into this basket...'

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

Fisherman Funneral

Rocket charmer.

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"Snake eyes again!"