Extinction Humorist Gifts

'We are the last Dodos on the planet, so I've put all of our eggs safely into this basket...'

'Noooooooooo!'

"Ok, so you weren't invited to the tar put party. . . it's not the end of the world, you know!"

"Not a phone call in days, and just LOOK at the pledge board! If we don't start hearing from some of you, dinosaurs might very well become a thing of the past!"

'Those warm-blooded things will never last -- they're too hyperactive.'

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

The world's first exploding cricket box...

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

The brief collaboration between Alfred Nobel and Thomas Edison.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

"I thought the snow would never start"

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

'That's Hindenburg for you. Just can't express his anger in a positive way.'

T-rex takes a selfie

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

Tombstone that says I Have No Life

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

So that's what they mean by the "vacuum of space"! Vvrrrrr. WHOOSH!

Extinct dinosaur...