Death-related Humorist Gifts

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

Zombie standup

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"The Eggsorcist"

End the Winter Blues

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"You run into a window, too?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"What are you doing?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

The Evolution Of Man