Death-themed Humor Gifts

End the Winter Blues

Zombie standup

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

Dead Man's Handel

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

"Don't worry, it's natural causes."

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

"Hey! I knew I could depend on you two!"

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

What Zombies Like to Do After a Nice Lunch.

"Kick me"

"Well, how do you think the interview went?"

Christmas Sale Special

"Harumph. . !"

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'Just checking that you're my 5:25.'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

Prehistoric firing squad.

"The first eight times it was curiosity. The last time I was run over."

Doctors having a discussion with Death.

"Alice, do you have any singles? He wants a tip!"

"Sir, did the piano die?"

"He wanted to be buried how he lived his life."

'Thank you very much, but they don't want it inside. The deceased is allergic to flowers.'

"Well, well, well... We meet again at last!"