Funeral Humor Gifts

Dead Man's Handel

Epitaph - Wine Connoisseur, complex, good nose, rather dry.

Suddenly, awkwardly, Andy realized he was snapping along to the funeral dirge.

'Thank you very much, but they don't want it inside. The deceased is allergic to flowers.'

"He wanted to be buried how he lived his life."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Geez, this is gonna take forever! Turtle Funerals.

Fisherman Funneral

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Bug Funerals

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

O'Leary's Monuments

'Why is he always hanging around?'