Funeral Director Humor Gifts

'We're not here to mourn, but to celebrate, because frankly, no-one is sorry to see him go...'

'At least he tried to warn the others.'

"My first funeral."

'Of course I can't die, have you seen the price of funerals?'

'How was Al Spores' funeral?'

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'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Cricketer's funeral

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

'Normally, I would appreciate your never-say-die-attitude...'

Shoptalk

"Hibernating! C'mon guys, I was only hibernating."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"What? Too soon?"

"Oh relax, I'm off the clock for another hour."