Funeral Director With A Twist Gifts

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"And I would life for the family to know that he didn't die in vain. He was delicious."

'How much to learn enough to dance on someone's grave?'

'Are you SURE this is what he meant by a 'quiet' funeral?'

Flushing Fields Cemetery.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

Cricketer's funeral

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Shoptalk

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

"Efficiency tombs available"

"Hibernating! C'mon guys, I was only hibernating."

'Normally, I would appreciate your never-say-die-attitude...'

This Space Available.

"What? Too soon?"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"Oh relax, I'm off the clock for another hour."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'Gosh, really? That must be pretty grim...'

Dead Man's Handel

Viking Funeral

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."