Funeral Director With A Twist Pillows

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"And I would life for the family to know that he didn't die in vain. He was delicious."

'How much to learn enough to dance on someone's grave?'

'Are you SURE this is what he meant by a 'quiet' funeral?'

Flushing Fields Cemetery.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Cricketer's funeral

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

This Space Available.

"Hibernating! C'mon guys, I was only hibernating."

"Oh relax, I'm off the clock for another hour."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"What? Too soon?"

Shoptalk

'Normally, I would appreciate your never-say-die-attitude...'

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'Gosh, really? That must be pretty grim...'

Dead Man's Handel

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

'I tend to bury stuff.'