Funeral Director Gifts

"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'

The eulogy was beautiful, although the question-answer period was rather odd.

'It's our newest cremation model. Tank sold separately.'

"One more - Billy wasn't crying."

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

'It was his last request. He was a track star in college.'

'Remind me to have a serious word with Mr Sillett over casual dress on a friday.'

The mortician's lunch-box.

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

"This is our most popular model."

Funeral Home: Gone to a better place ? Back in one hour.

Drove the nurses crazy.

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

"This will lighten your mood, Dick - every few minutes, a baby boomer turns fifty."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

'I know you have a technical background, but here we call them caskets, not 'dropdown boxes.'

Undertaker to mourning woman: 'For instance, we just customized one for a lawyer. He was buried in paperwork.'

"He's in denial."

Hearse with sign 'Body On Board'.

'I just don't understand why our Buy One Get One Free offer on coffins isn't popular!'

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

'Gosh, really? That must be pretty grim...'

Funeral Directors: 'Morning Madam, why the long face?'

"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Nothing personal, it's just business."

Do you do cremations?

'Stop complaining. You knew I was a funeral director when you married me.'

'...Because I enjoy working with people!'

The hearse was a write-off. But at least no one was killed. Again.

Bored at the City Morgue.

"That's much more than I can afford. Could you possibly cremate my husband just from the neck up?"

'Never cared what anyone thought - until the very end.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.