Death-themed Humor Pillows

End the Winter Blues

Zombie standup

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

Dead Man's Handel

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

"Don't worry, it's natural causes."

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

IRS. They are both inevitable but at least the IRS grants extensions.

Christmas Sale Special

"Hey! I knew I could depend on you two!"

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

'Just checking that you're my 5:25.'

What Zombies Like to Do After a Nice Lunch.

"Harumph. . !"

"Kick me"

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

"Crap."

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

"Well, how do you think the interview went?"

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

Prehistoric firing squad.

"Well, well, well... We meet again at last!"

Doctors having a discussion with Death.

"Sir, did the piano die?"

'Thank you very much, but they don't want it inside. The deceased is allergic to flowers.'

"He wanted to be buried how he lived his life."

"The first eight times it was curiosity. The last time I was run over."

"I'm not saying Heaven isn't perfect, but I wish China didn't own so much of our debt."