End-of-life Humor Gifts

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

"Crap."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

End the Winter Blues

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Dead Man's Handel

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Special Place in Hell...

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Don't worry, it's natural causes."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

I'm afraid of heights.

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

IRS. They are both inevitable but at least the IRS grants extensions.

Christmas Sale Special

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

The end of the world is nigh - Get your specially adapted clock here

"Murchison is still in denial."

'That was Larry...always trying to improve himself.'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"Alice, do you have any singles? He wants a tip!"

'Sorry. No football supporters.'

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

Boy, you were this close to getting in until I checked these photos of you on Facebook.

"I'm not saying Heaven isn't perfect, but I wish China didn't own so much of our debt."