End-of-life Humor Gifts

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

End the Winter Blues

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Dead Man's Handel

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Don't worry, it's natural causes."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

The end of the world is nigh - Get your specially adapted clock here

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

Christmas Sale Special

"Murchison is still in denial."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

'Sorry. No football supporters.'

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

"I'm seeing a lot of faint praise."

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

"He wanted to be buried how he lived his life."

'Thank you very much, but they don't want it inside. The deceased is allergic to flowers.'