Afterlife Humor Hub Gifts

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

Arnold had not been much of a saint in his life and now he paid the price.

"User name and password?"

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

'I didn't know Heaven had another entrance?'

"Murchison is still in denial."

Grave with satellite dish.

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"Well, well, well... We meet again at last!"

Flight Insurance for Angels.

'Sorry. No football supporters.'

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'