Afterlife Humor Gifts

A halo lifts a toupee off an angel.

'My horoscope said I'd have a heavenly day.'

"Well, well, well... We meet again at last!"

'Oh, my gosh! I had hoped it was just a worldly diversion.'

Holy S**t

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

"User name and password?"

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

'I didn't know Heaven had another entrance?'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

"Murchison is still in denial."

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"The first eight times it was curiosity. The last time I was run over."

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

"I'm seeing a lot of faint praise."

Flight Insurance for Angels.