Deathly Humorist Gifts

A look ahead

Zombie standup

"You're going to hate yourself."

End the Winter Blues

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Tim Burton

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Death coach..."

Meowlzebub

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"Now that you've been given the vaccine, let us know if you start craving raw meat."

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."