Vengeful Humorist Gifts

"l'm returning this to the manufacturer in my own impenetrable clamshell packaging. They must suffer as I have suffered."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Meowlzebub

The world's first exploding cricket box...

'Food fight!'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

The brief collaboration between Alfred Nobel and Thomas Edison.

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'They come down here to smoke.'

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

"It's a new signal to specify that we don't need Robin."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

Wade 'Gator' Ruben, Tax Attorney

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"What can I say? Tough split."

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

Car driving comes upon fork in road.

'I agree O-positive is rather nice, but my favourite by far is AB-negative...'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

Pizza's here!

Revenge of the Fish