Extinction Comedy Fan Gifts

'I'd like to buy extinction insurance.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

The Rooster Comedian.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Am I sensing fear?"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

Alien attack in the 1950s

Little ship of horrors

Stephen Fry

"Google Earth must have a defective camera. There's a big red spot above our location."

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Optometrist Humor

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

Spiderman at the Improv

The Stand-Up Gastroenterologist

Woman breaks up with two-headed man.

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'