Illusion Ponderer Gifts

'It's a good thing everything is illusory - My keister hurts like crazy!'

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"Needs to get a life"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I say we try it.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

Inventing Time Travel

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

"Experimental 'no government' zone next 200 miles—by order of Trump!"