Humorous Widow Pillows

"It's not sediment, it's my late husband's ashes - he always said he wouldn't mind being drunk when he died."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

Widow shows a portrait of herself

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

Roach Motel

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

"I was able to get in one last lecture about diet and exercise."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'This is your seventh husband who has disappeared without a trace... Boy, you're unlucky...'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'He put up a good fight to the end.'

"No, he didn't suffer. That's my only regret."