Humorous Mother Pillows

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

Our Yuppie Dad

Two breasts: No waiting

'Come on. You've been nursing that pint for hours!'

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"