Humorous Mother Pillows

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

Our Yuppie Dad

Two breasts: No waiting

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"