Mother's Humor Pillows

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Two breasts: No waiting

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"

How Moms Explain

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

"Got any cravings?"

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

Mother has jumper with NO written in big letters on the back.

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'Starting from bedrock again, Mom?'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

The world's #1 motivational speaker

'It was only a matter of time!'

'Mum! I hurt my hand!' - 'Oh, dear! Kiss it better.' - 'Mum! I hurt my head!' - 'Oh, dear! Kiss it better.' - 'Mum! I hurt my foot!' - 'I'll get you a paracetamol.'

'My mom's so overprotective she won't let me run with sharp cheddar in my hands.'

'My biological clock finally went off.'