Mother's Humor Pillows

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Two breasts: No waiting

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

How Moms Explain

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

"Got any cravings?"

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

Mother has jumper with NO written in big letters on the back.

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'Starting from bedrock again, Mom?'

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

'It was only a matter of time!'

The world's #1 motivational speaker

'My mom's so overprotective she won't let me run with sharp cheddar in my hands.'

'My biological clock finally went off.'