Humorous Host Gifts

"Evenin' gents - what's yer poison..?"

'Why do we always talk about this stuff?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Pinata Trophies

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Carpet Cows

Roller Coasters

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

Man Reading story 'U.F.O. Sighted' with alien peeking over his shoulder.

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!