Humorous Host Prints

"Evenin' gents - what's yer poison..?"

'Why do we always talk about this stuff?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Pinata Trophies

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Carpet Cows

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Roller Coasters

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

Tabloid clippings.

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Man Reading story 'U.F.O. Sighted' with alien peeking over his shoulder.