Humor Reading Pillows

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

Clancy: Life Insurance

'It wasn't the proverbial cookie jar, Sir. It was just the real cookie jar.'

'Schmidt's having a hard time maintaining that breezy air of optimism we so admire.'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Examination.

Apricots

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

A man and his dog both reading.

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Book

"I suggest you get more iron in your system and get the lead out."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'