Humorous Reader Pillows

'I only collect the black-cover books.'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Sock Puppet in Literature

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Apricots

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Mister Oedipus.

Book

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

The Farmer Sutra.

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

Declutter Your Life

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

The Family Joules: Part 17

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"I suppose I could fake it."

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."