Humor-loving Cook Gifts

Silly Seasoning

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Amy Sedaris

'Needs more kale.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Great Moments in Culinary History.

'Too much salt!'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

Noodle exchange program.

Flatware Follies.

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"I always see the class as half-baked."

'I found a way to make dinner in half the time. I don't finish it.'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

Whoa! Willard, you know you can't put metal in a microwave! Why not just heat it the old fashioned way and use your nostrils?

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

Operating table.

Le Bolshie Chef.

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'... And you're positive that you didn't order, fly soup?'

'I know you're sensitive, Wally, but I only asked you to help wash the dishes!'

'I can't cook wooly mammoth like your mother used to because wooly mammoths are EXTINCT!'