Humor Investigator Gifts

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Iran bars two UN nuclear inspectors for 'untruthful reporting'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Totalitarian Humour

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"This is not good at all!"

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

Fingerprint Show

Two men converse secretively

STRIP "Looks like the escalators on the blink again"

"We don't like the same marriage counselor gags anymore."

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

"Perkins, the company isn't giving you a demotion. We like to call it a negative-trajectory promotion."

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'He died of too much money.'

The Banana Crime

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

"Looks like another case of someone over forty trying to understand Snapchat."

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

'What's with all the Pumpkin Pies?'

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

'Formerly, 'Regular' and 'Extra-Strength'.'

The Friendly Loan Company

"Oh, look - a Halloweiner dog!"

'I gave the Captain a thousand bucks to strand us on an uninhabited island with nothing but a musket.'

"Devin agrees with the president. Americans are dreamers too."

'What a beautiful landscape!'

'Relief fund relief fund.'