Comical Investigator Gifts

Trading Standards man entering 'Toys r sus'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Totalitarian Humour

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

"This is not good at all!"

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

Fingerprint Show

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

Two men converse secretively

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

"Perkins, the company isn't giving you a demotion. We like to call it a negative-trajectory promotion."

The Banana Crime

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'He died of too much money.'

Safety Pin

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'What's with all the Pumpkin Pies?'

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"Looks like another case of someone over forty trying to understand Snapchat."

The Friendly Loan Company

'Do you have any idea how many dryer related cases we get around here?!'

'I think we caught this just in time.'

'Relief fund relief fund.'

'A large hole has appeared in the wall of the nudist camp - Police are looking into it.'

Both human and pillow police work together to solve yet another double homicide.

Nick the Stereo.

'Fred,you've got to do something about those hiccups.'