Comedy Investigator Gifts

The Banana Crime

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Totalitarian Humour

Which One is Pulling Out?

Horse meat scandal.

"This is not good at all!"

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

Fingerprint Show

'You're an inspector now?'

Two men converse secretively

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

"Perkins, the company isn't giving you a demotion. We like to call it a negative-trajectory promotion."

"It isn't just the media that's biased... often the voters are too."

'He died of too much money.'

"Why do they always do that with the concrete? The feet are the best part."

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

'What's with all the Pumpkin Pies?'

Golf Crime Scene.

The Friendly Loan Company

The president drops in for a brief inspection

'A large hole has appeared in the wall of the nudist camp - Police are looking into it.'

"But they taste so rubbery!"

'Harp?...Lark?...'

'Relief fund relief fund.'

'I think we caught this just in time.'