Satirical Scene Investigator Gifts

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Totalitarian Humour

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Euthanasia Clinic

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"I liked the one that saluted."

"It's just a wild guess but I suspect that the 14 points apply done at six countries may have contributed to your feeling a 'bit unwell'."

"That is six feet."

The Banana Crime

"Perkins, the company isn't giving you a demotion. We like to call it a negative-trajectory promotion."

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

"A lot of voter's will be floating today."

"I can refer you either to Dr. Basinkski, a noted specialist, Dr. Hodge-Cabot, who is a pioneer in the field, or Charlie, a generic doctor who also does a very nice job."

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

'Besides italics, what can you do?'

Four Seasons Total Landscaping

The Friendly Loan Company

"Just pick out the one who ate your husband."

'At least, we'll save the money for the Christmas presents.'

'Tom Jones is still my favorite movie. It has the most explicit eating.'

'I think we caught this just in time.'

'So, I have a few drinks in the afternoon. Your dinner's always on the table when you get in from work, isn't it?'

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

Librarian of Congress

'Relief fund relief fund.'

'Like I promised, an office with a washroom!'

"Dammit! I just realized, now I'm going to miss the appointment for my second shot."

Have A Nice Day (piss off)

"Great! Several positions just opened up."

"Press 1 to connect with a doctor $200."

"He's old money, but, unfortunately, minus the money."

Inexpensive ways to slow speeders....