Satirical Scene Enthusiast Gifts

'We have two options. I can open you up again or I can report the watch stolen and split the insurance money with you.'

'Tom Jones is still my favorite movie. It has the most explicit eating.'

Farewell Speech.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Support the Ex-Troops

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Torturing the English Language

Pretty Flowers

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

The height of fashion in 1796

reincarnated worm...

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Meat Grinder

Critisize your weight.

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Turkish Democracy

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me