Satirical Story Enthusiast Gifts

"I should have listened when it said 'this call is being monitored for your protection'."

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Support the Ex-Troops

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Pretty Flowers

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Torturing the English Language

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

The height of fashion in 1796

reincarnated worm...

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Meat Grinder

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

"I thought there would be bacon here."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

The americanisation of vulture.

Turkish Democracy