Satirical Scene Lovers Gifts

"Dammit! I just realized, now I'm going to miss the appointment for my second shot."

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"She wishes to range free!"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

The Great Leap Forward

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

Police film evidence

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Jack in the box on strike.