Satirical Scene Lovers Pillows

"Dammit! I just realized, now I'm going to miss the appointment for my second shot."

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"She wishes to range free!"

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Police film evidence

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Jack in the box on strike.

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

The White House: Some Assembly Required.