Comedy Scene Investigator Gifts

'I think we caught this just in time.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

The Banana Crime

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'I think we floated a little 'too far' down stream.'

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

Reporter at a crime scene.

Sadie hated Sunday lunchtimes.

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

'So you say she wasn't your real grandmother?'

"I liked the couch better where it was."

"Okay wait, it just came in. I guess he did text for help."

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

'The fellow must have a pace maker because he collapsed when I fired the garage door opener at him.'

"Yes, I was a rebel, and I roamed through the West for a while, but I got sick of that."

'Yes, it was number 4, I'm positive,'

"Darling, we can't go on meeting like this. My husband is starting to get suspicious."

"He's old money, but, unfortunately, minus the money."

'Do you know he's got body parts in that suitcase?'

"It's the city's new taxpayer-funded crime beautification program."

Nick the Stereo.

'Hey, I said no large bills.'