Comedy Scene Investigator Gifts

'I think we caught this just in time.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

The Banana Crime

'I think we floated a little 'too far' down stream.'

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

Oh, sorry, I didn

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Reporter at a crime scene.

"Over here, doofus."

Sadie hated Sunday lunchtimes.

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

"Yes, I was a rebel, and I roamed through the West for a while, but I got sick of that."

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

'So you say she wasn't your real grandmother?'

"Okay wait, it just came in. I guess he did text for help."

'The fellow must have a pace maker because he collapsed when I fired the garage door opener at him.'

"I liked the couch better where it was."

"It's the city's new taxpayer-funded crime beautification program."

Nick the Stereo.

"He's old money, but, unfortunately, minus the money."

'Hey, I said no large bills.'

'Yes, it was number 4, I'm positive,'

"To make it look like an accident."