Crime Scene Investigator Humor Gifts

'We've had a robbery. . . I don't think you should touch anything until the police arrive.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

The Banana Crime

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'He died of too much money.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"Over here, doofus."

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

'What's with all the Pumpkin Pies?'

Reporter at a crime scene.

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

'The fellow must have a pace maker because he collapsed when I fired the garage door opener at him.'

"Before you identify the suspect, you need to confirm your identity."

"Okay wait, it just came in. I guess he did text for help."

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

'I think we caught this just in time.'

'So you say she wasn't your real grandmother?'

"To make it look like an accident."

'Fred,you've got to do something about those hiccups.'

Asbo Land

"It says here you're never too old for sex." "At least not the way you do it."

"It's the city's new taxpayer-funded crime beautification program."

Both human and pillow police work together to solve yet another double homicide.