Crime Scene Humorist Gifts

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

Chalk Murder

Mouse Trap Defuse

"Hmm...two birds, one stone...yep, this has all the telltale signs of the cliche killer, alright."

Plumber-Mugger Strikes Again!

"Over here, doofus."

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

"Do you have an account here?"

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

The Mafia Goes Green.

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.