Crime Scene Humorist Pillows

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

Chalk Murder

Mouse Trap Defuse

Plumber-Mugger Strikes Again!

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

"Do you have an account here?"

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'Hello, Mum!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"