Crime Scene Comedians Pillows

Uses of a Dead Car in History: '...and probably with a reasonably blunt instrument.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

The Mafia Goes Green.

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'Hello, Mum!'

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."