Crime Scene Comedy Lovers Pillows

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'Did he say anything before he died?'

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"