Crime Scene Comedy Lovers Pillows

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."