Crime Scene Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

"To make it look like an accident."

'The fellow must have a pace maker because he collapsed when I fired the garage door opener at him.'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

An old dog learns a new trick.

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"

'My only witness and alibi for the bank job was the guy I was robbing across in another part of town.'

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"