Crime Scene Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"To make it look like an accident."

'The fellow must have a pace maker because he collapsed when I fired the garage door opener at him.'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

I thought you might want to color it in. Color chalk. 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 4 5 5

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Messing Up My Metrics

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

Piñata police line-up.

An old dog learns a new trick.

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

Idenity Parade.