Crime Scene Comedy Gifts

'We could try to identify him through dental records inspector...'

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"It's the city's new taxpayer-funded crime beautification program."

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

"He left a really odd suicide note, it reads: 'One extra pint and a strawberry yogurt please'."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

"When you're ready, please try to identify who it is that you think you saw in your home in the early hours of last Easter."

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'