Crime Scene Satire Gifts

Police patrol car with chalk body outlines on it.

"Just pick out the one who ate your husband."

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"I want to report a race crime.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

Mafia machine gun case.

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

'And what do you do?'

Money Launderette

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Over here, doofus."

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

"Before you identify the suspect, you need to confirm your identity."

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'The fellow must have a pace maker because he collapsed when I fired the garage door opener at him.'

"Okay wait, it just came in. I guess he did text for help."

"He's currently unavailable. Would you care to wait?"

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

'May I see some photo ID?'

"To make it look like an accident."