Crime Scene Satirist Gifts

'The defendant has such a good attorney, we figured he must be guilty!'

"In economic news: the administration today lauded the addition of 287,000 new jobs, all of which involve crime scene clean-up."

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

The Mafia Goes Green.

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

I thought you might want to color it in. Color chalk. 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 4 5 5

Mafia machine gun case.

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

Money Launderette

'And what do you do?'

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

"Over here, doofus."

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Cuffwear, 2004

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Uses of a Dead Car in History: '...and probably with a reasonably blunt instrument.'

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

"He's currently unavailable. Would you care to wait?"