Crime Satirist Gifts

"How would you rate this mugging, on a scale of one to ten?"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

"Looks like Lucky Louie wasn't the only one who screwed up.

New car stealing restrictions

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Muggers ahead - Please have your bags ready

"... Oh this? This is my lucky gun. Every time I wave it about somebody gives me money."

Life Imprisonment

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

The Mafia Goes Green.

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

Mafia machine gun case.

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

'Hello, Mum!'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'And what do you do?'

Money Launderette

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Cuffwear, 2004

'I prefer old fashion email messages. I can always deny I ever got them.'

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi