Crime Satirists Gifts

BOB THE MUGGER - Ring bell for service

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

The Mafia Goes Green.

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"I want to report a race crime.'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'Hello, Mum!'

Mafia machine gun case.

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

Money Launderette

'And what do you do?'

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

Cuffwear, 2004

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Crooks

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

Don't worry his majesty with all this talk of 'big city lawyers'.

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

"It's a HO.. HO.. HOLD-UP!"